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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23038060">Give Me Support for Being Alive</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Politzania/pseuds/Politzania'>Politzania</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, POV First Person, Recovering!Bucky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:46:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,169</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23038060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Politzania/pseuds/Politzania</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky finds out why Tony doesn’t hate him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Tony Stark Bingo 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Give Me Support for Being Alive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title: Give Me Support for Being Alive<br/>Collaborator Name: PoliZ<br/>Card Number: 3012<br/>Link:<br/>Square Filled: K2 - Writing Format: First Person<br/>Ship/Main Pairing: Tony Stark/Bucky Barnes<br/>Rating: General<br/>Major Tags:  CA:WS Canon Divergence,  First Person POV, pre-slash<br/>Summary: Bucky finds out why Tony doesn’t hate him.<br/>Word Count:</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why don’t you hate me?”  The words tumbled out before I had a chance to stop them.  Tony Stark looked up from where he’d been adjusting a couple of wrist servos and gave me a quizzical look.  The two of us had forged a cautious friendship in the months since Steve had brought me in from the cold,  but we’d always talked around the terrible event that bound us together and I couldn’t bear the guilt anymore.  </p>
<p>  “You’ve read my notebooks,”  I continued, unable to stop myself, “you know  what I’ve done. What I did to your parents. To you.” </p>
<p>Stark slowly put down the instrument he’d been using and gave me a contemplative look.  “I did hate you, there at first, when Cap told me about that mission,” he replied matter-of-factly.  It was the answer I’d been expecting, if not the clear use of past tense. </p>
<p>Stark stood, took a few steps then turned back to face me.   “It surprised the hell out of him when I said he could bring you here when he and Wilson finally found you. You see,  I know what it’s like to be manipulated and controlled. To learn that what you thought you did for the greater good was a lie.  A weapon has no control over who it’s aimed at, and that’s what they forced you to be.”   </p>
<p>Hydra had briefed me on the Avengers, and I did more research on my own once I was free; I knew what parts of Stark’s past he was referring to, but hadn’t expected him to show me empathy.    “Plus there’s the whole brotherhood of involuntary body modification we’ve got going on.”  He tapped at the center of his chest, fingernails ringing against the casing of his arc reactor.   </p>
<p>“Yeah, but yours saved your life, and helped you save countless others.” I looked down at the arm and remembered all the blood it had spilled.   “Mine made me into the Fist of Hydra.”  </p>
<p>“Yeah, but you know what you’ve done with that fist?”   Stark held up his own fist, then proceeded to raise his middle finger, startling a laugh out of me.  </p>
<p>“There we go!”  Stark exclaimed. “That’s a much better look for you then the whole resting murder face thing you’ve got going on ninety percent of the time.   JARVIS, remind me to make Sarge laugh more often.” </p>
<p>Stark’s casual reference to the man I was and would never be again got to me, and something in my expression must’ve caught his eye. “ Army life not something you want to be reminded of, I take it?”  </p>
<p>“More or less.”    </p>
<p>“Fair enough.” He sat back down and gestured for me to move the arm back into position so he could continue working.  “However, you may have noticed I’m practically incapable of calling someone by their right name.  Pepper, Happy, Rhodey, et cetera.  So, let’s see...” He looked me up and down, tilting his head slightly as if he were examining a strange artifact  “J.B., maybe?  Jimmy James?  Jimbo?” </p>
<p>I couldn’t help but smile; he was obviously testing me. “How about Bucky, Stark? S’what I’m used to.” </p>
<p>Stark nodded with a smile playing around his lips. “Wasn’t sure if that was something special between you and Cap.  And, yeah, call me Tony. ‘Stark’ sounds like we’re business associates or something.”</p>
<p>“So what are we, then?”  If he was going to push at my boundaries, I’d do the same. </p>
<p>Tony’s lips quirked.  “Considering how many late nights we’ve spent together, how about friends?” </p>
<p>“I’d like that.”   </p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>. A real smile spread slowly across his face.  “So, Bucky, huh?  You know I’m gonna monickerize that as well.   Let’s see..  Buckster, Buckaroo,  Buckminster Fuller, Buckingham Palace...”  More pushing and testing, and I couldn’t resist responding in kind.</p>
<p>“Just don’t call me late for dinner.”</p>
<p>Stark grinned even wider.  “There we go - I knew the guy that Aunt Peggy told me about was still in there somewhere!”</p>
<p>“You don’t mean Peggy Carter?”  Steve had said she was still alive, but her mind was going; he’d been to see her a few times, but it was tough on him. </p>
<p>“Sure do.  Oh, she’s not actually my aunt, but she came around the house quite a bit when I was growing up. She and Howard worked pretty closely together, but she made time to visit with me, too.”  </p>
<p>I’d flinched at the mention of his father’s name, but Tony ignored it and continued his explanation.  “I grew up listening to story upon story of Captain America’s  brave deeds.  But I wasn’t interested in the Star Spangled Man with a Plan; I wanted to know more about the man who stood in his shadow.   You see, I could identify with that.”  </p>
<p>He paused, then looked me up and down again.  “Speaking of identifying, she shared some rather important intel about  James Buchanan Barnes when I told her I thought I liked guys.”</p>
<p>The breath caught in my throat at the double revelation; Carter had caught me getting fresh with another soldier out in the field, but never said a word.  And I’d read about Stark’s checkered past when it came to relationships, but didn’t think he was queer.  Before I could say anything, Tony went on.</p>
<p>“She didn’t mean to out you, I suppose. After all, everyone thought you were dead. For what it’s worth, everyone else still thinks you were quite the ladies’ man.”  He looked at me speculatively.  “So were — or are — you and Rogers...?”</p>
<p>“God, no,” I blurted out. “ I’ve known Steve since we were kids.  It’d be like kissing one of my sisters. ”   </p>
<p>An expression of relief passed quickly across Tony’s face, which in turn made my breath catch for an entirely different reason.  “But Rogers knows, right?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, pretty hard to hide it when we were practically livin’ in each other’s pockets. Besides, our neighborhood was kinda known for fellas who were like that. How about that flyboy pal of yours, the colonel?”  If Tony was going to pry, I could do the same. </p>
<p>“Rhodey-bear?  Considering I hit on him the first time we got drunk together, yeah, he knows.  But he’s way straight.”  Tony tipped his head to one side and gave me a look I couldn’t quite interpret.  “Anyways, you asked why I don’t hate you.   That’s part of the reason; I looked up to you.” </p>
<p>“Hell of a role model  I turned out to be,” I replied bitterly. </p>
<p>“Hey, now, sunshine. None of that,”  Tony’s reply was an  odd mix of stern and gentle.  “You survived.  You went through hell and you kept going.  And now you’re here, with friends who care about you.” </p>
<p>“And you’re one of them, right?”  I held out my hand;  I was pushing my luck, but I couldn’t help it. </p>
<p>“Of course.”  He took my hand as if to shake it, but I twined our fingers together. </p>
<p>“And maybe something more than friends?” </p>
<p>His eyes lit up as I leaned in closer. “As a matter of fact...”</p>
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